Can't quite put my finger on it....

I hope waking up and thinking it is Friday and it is only Thursday doesn't set the tone for the day. I've been feeling out of sorts for a couple of months but the symptons have become more prominent in the past week. I'm not in a foul mood but I am defensive, irritable and the feelings are on the shirt sleeve. NOT.GOOD.

I tend to be a "giver". Always have been. HOWEVER, I've wanted to be selfish lately. Don't get me wrong --- I try my best to be thankful for everything that everybody does for me. On the flip side, if I have to prompt a "thank you" or "you are appreciated" out of someone, screw it. I just went through that a couple of weeks ago. I used to not be this way. Maybe I'm changing -- good change or bad change? I don't know. It's like I am waiting for the meltdown to begin. Call it menopause or call it just being a bitch --- I believe either word is descriptive enough.

I'm probably not a lot of fun to be around during this transition. And whether or not I'll come out of this smelling like a rose remains to be seen. And I'm not real sure I want to apologize for it. I've been apologizing all of my life for shit that usually wasn't even my fault. (See, there's that defense mechanism working.) The anxiety attack I had at 1:41am on Wednesday hasn't helped matters. I would've called 911 had I not known what was happening to me.

I believe the best option is to relocate to a deserted island until this (whatever "this" is) blows over. Sigh, reality check. I will deal with it the way I always deal with stuff. Take a deep breath, exhale and say, "Bring it on!"