Time? What are you talking about?

Domestic felines are wonderful companions. Independent little creatures but good companions nonetheless. I have a genuine affection for my cats. Until they wake me up at 2am, 3am, 4am and 5am. Granted they are nocturnal creatures but, really, respect the human body's need for at least six hours of uninterrupted slumber.

They are waiting impatiently for me as I walk through the door between 4:30 and 5pm to feed them their wet food. The rattling of saucers drives them insane. Gray Cat is trying to climb up my leg to get to the food. Simba swirls in and around my ankles. Daisy prepares to launch onto the counter because I'm too slow in dividing the food onto the saucers. I somehow manage to get the saucers to the floor without anybody getting seriously injured. Food is devoured in less than 3 minutes. And all three cats KNOW they have to go outside to tend to business. No ifs, ands or buts.

Then its back inside to their self-designated locations. Simba is in a windowsill. Gray Cat sprawls out in front of the fireplace. Daisy curls up on one of three pieces of furniture. Bedtime rolls around and I toss them outside one more time hoping against hope to tend to business. My plan is that once I let them back inside they will leave me in peace until at least 5am.

2am: Simba jumps on the nightstand and paws at the miniblind. This is my cue that he wants outside. Other cats are still asleep.

2:45am: Simba is scratching at the outside window screen (which is very annoying and it pisses Sam off). This is my cue to that Simba wants back inside.

3:20am: Daisy starts yowling at the bedroom door (which does NOT lead outside). This is my cue to let her outside. She always wants to be carried to the door. She is a duchess in her own mind. Other cats are asleep.

4:10am: Daisy is crying at the porch door (which is annoying as hell). This is my cue to let her return to the warmth of the house.

4:50am: Gray Cat thunders through the house (all 15.5 pounds of him) into the bedroom. He is the most vocal of all three cats. YOWL, YOWL, MEOW, YOWL! This is his very insistent way of way of saying, "Hurry! Hurry! I have to go outside NOW!"

5:30am: Gray Cat is performing his version of "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" (which is always off-key). This is my cue that he is now ready for breakfast and wants inside NOW.

Its like having a newborn with colic. No wonder I am absolutely exhausted by 8am. Time means absolutely nothing to cats. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. A little compassion from them would be greatly appreciated during my REM cycle. Oh, wait, I don't have those anymore because the damn cats are waking me up! Gotta love the furballs.......and yes, there is a litter box INSIDE the house.....