Directions

I tracked my mother to the beauty parlor (are they still called that?) today. We've had a death in the family which requires my mother to be with her sister for the next several days. I needed to know what my marching orders were prior to the funeral.

Conversation between Mama and me while the cosmotologist is trimming Mama's hair:

"Hey, Mama! Are you not working at all today?"

"No. I told you that I am leaving this afternoon to meet your aunt in South Texas. Will you call Marshall and tell him the funeral is scheduled for Friday? I've already talked to Holli and Kelli."

"Sure. Can you give me directions to the church?"

"I think you go to the last light or second to last light on that street you come into town on. Then you'll turn right on that street that takes you by the courthouse. The church will be a block or two to the right of that street. I think its across the street from the funeral home. Just drive in that general direction and you'll find the church."

Believe it or not, I actually wrote those exact directions down like I know exactly where in the hell we're supposed to be on Friday. Little Town folks are famous for giving directions just like that. We don't know street names. We use landmarks and it goes something like this:

"Can you tell me how to get to Mr. Green's house?"

"Sure. Go about three blocks up the street. Go through the light and there will be a barber shop on your left. Go past it and the bank, too. Take the next street on your right between the church and the post office. That street is a dead-end so be sure and take the first left you come to or you'll have to turn around in Miss Vera's driveway and she doesn't take too kindly to that. About half-way up that street on your right there will be a brick house with blue shutters on the windows, then a white house with a swimming pool in the side yard and the next house is Mr. Green's house. It's the one with the pipe fence around the yard. "

I asked Mama to please call me with some better directions to ensure that her children will arrive at the church on time.